


lips of honey, eyes of fire

by ttrashboy



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Angels, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Male Character, Fallen Angel, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Polyamory, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Suicidal Thoughts, TRY AND STOP ME, Trans Male Character, a lot of angst honestly, also, angel au, go somewhere else for the nasty lol, is that rlly not a tag?, its mostly in the past, its not graphic or anything but still be careful, less of that lol, theres a lot going on but itll make sense i promise, they go to some parties, trans author, why not both
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 05:15:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17781248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttrashboy/pseuds/ttrashboy
Summary: Changbin remembers warm, inviting smiles. He remembers soft eyes and comforting touches. He remembers teasing words and bubbling laughter. He remembers the smell of fresh fruit and warm skin in the sunlight. Most of all Changbin remembers love. Loving someone unconditionally and have them love him in return.But then he forgets.He always forgets.akaskz as dumb college students trying to get their lives together and also changjin are fallen angels who have forgotten eachother  (but mostly dumb college kids)





	1. dread in my heart

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry this is so short :(  
> writing is hard and i am but a small goblin w a lot of ideas nd even more emotions

Changbin is falling. 

He was always falling. 

The air rushed around him as he struggled to do something. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do but he struggled just the same. Eventually, he got tired and gave up. 

He always gave up. 

Nothing ever changed in this place. He would always be falling. He would always be struggling. And in the end, he would always give up without having anything to show for it. 

As much has Changbin hated the falling and the helplessness that came with it, there was always a part that he craved. A part that he knew would always come because nothing ever changed. The part where he finally hit the ground. 

He always hits the ground.

It wasn't necessarily when he hit the ground, but actually in the moments right before. In those fleeting moments Changbin could remember something forgotten, someone forgotten. 

He remembers warm, inviting smiles. He remembers soft eyes and comforting touches. He remembers teasing words and bubbling laughter. He remembers the smell of fresh fruit and warm skin in the sunlight. Most of all Changbin remembers love. Loving someone unconditionally and have them love him in return. 

Changbin remembers him. 

He always remembers him. 

But he knows that when he hits the ground he'll forget. He's tried to hold on to these small memories but nothing seems to work. It's like trying to hold water in your hands, no matter how hard you try and hold on eventually all you're left with is damp hands. Changbin knows it won't work but he still tries anyway. He pictures soft lips and warm, brown eyes and prays he can hold onto these precious memories. 

In the darkness there's no way for him to actually see the ground approaching but he knows it is. Changbin can feel it, he knows it's there. He's had his flashes of happiness and now it's time for it to be over. He flinches just before he hits, purely on instinct, but he knows he won't be damaged by the fall. 

He hits the ground. 

He doesn't feel the impact, he never does. What he feels is much worse. Instead, Changbin is filled with so much raw emotion he feels like he's being torn apart. In that split second he feels deep, aching loss that crushes his chest and steals his breath. He feels a wave of overwhelming rage rip through him and threaten to burn him alive. Changbin tries to fight through it, he tries to push everything aside. There was something he was supposed to do. Something important that he needed to do. He tries to remember what it was but he can't. 

He’s forgotten. 

He always forgets. 

Changbin gives up, he stops struggling and lets the emotions consume him. The rage tears through him and fills him completely. It gets hotter and hotter until it finally begins to burn. It's too much. His body can't handle it anymore but he's still so angry. 

So he burns.

He always burns.

Suddenly, he remembers something. Something small but important. Before he's able to fully realize it and grasp it tightly in his charred, desperate hands, he's being pulled away. The fire had burned all the way through him and burned out. Without the fire, Changbin is just left with the heavy loss pressing against his chest. And guilt. He's filled with so much guilt. 

Wait.

He never feels guilty. 

Why is he guilty? What's changed? What did he do? The realization fills his stomach with heavy dread and is like a bucket of cold water dumped over him. 

Changbin’s eyes fly open and he scrambles to sit up in bed. His chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath. He’s drenched in sweat and there’s tears drying on his face. He has these dreams often but can never remember anything but fleeting emotions that leave him yearning for something unknown. Of course, he still tries his best to hold on to the last few scraps of his dream before they fade away into nothing.

Normally, he would slip back down beneath the blankets and close his eyes firmly, willing himself to sink back into unconsciousness so he can return to, or at least appreciate, his dream’s soft emotions that help him feel whole again. But tonight is different. Instead of being left with warm emotions that leave him wanting, he’s filled with heavy emotions. Emotions with pockets of poison and barbed edges that tear and rip and get caught as he tries to push them out of his mind. Emotions that drag him down and threaten to drown him. 

They’re too much and Changbin is quickly overwhelmed. He presses his face into his pillow as his breath comes out harsh and halting and the tears force themselves from his eyes. Another strong wave of emotions passes over him and a broken sob is ripped from his throat. Changbin tries his best to calm himself and muffle the cries but it's just too much. It hurts so much and he’s just one person.

_What did I ever do to deserve this much pain?_

The thought sends him over the edge and he lets it. He lets the emotions take over and run their course. The tears seem never-ending and the sobs grow in intensity until he’s gasping for breath in between them. He cries for what seems like hours, he cries until his tears run out and there's nothing but itchy, red eyes and exhaustion. 

As he lays there, Changbin’s mind slowly clears and he’s left feeling raw and impossibly empty. He also feels incredibly fragile, as if a strong breeze could shatter him completely. But he doesn’t want to think about his delicate emotional state and what it could mean so he doesn’t. 

Instead he rolls over, clumsily reaching for his phone on the bedside table. After he finds it Changbin is almost immediately assaulted by his screen at full brightness. He squeezes his eyes shut and flinches away from the light. Unfortunately, the sudden movement knocks his phone out of his hands and it lands directly on his face. He lets out a small yelp and quickly covers his nose with his hands as if that could take the pain away. His attention is quickly diverted from the pain in his face when an annoyed grunt, followed by the quiet rustles of someone rolling over, come from the other side of the dark room. Changbin is very suddenly reminded that his roommate, Minho, was actually sleeping in their dorm room for once and not staying over at his boyfriend’s place. A flash of panic goes through him as realizes that means Minho could have very easily heard his earlier breakdown. Luckily, Changbin is able to talk himself out of any worry, Minho was obviously still asleep so that meant he wasn’t woken up by any of the crying and wouldn’t be aware of it. Comforted by the thought of his meltdown being only his own, Changbin manages to drift off to sleep, even if it was restless and empty. 

Unfortunately, with roommates come their alarms. Changbin felt like he had only been asleep for minutes before Minho’s alarm went off, filling the room with deafeningly loud electronic wailing. He waited a minute or two, trying to ignore it while giving Minho time to wake up and turn it off. When that didn’t happen Changbin was filled with his normal rage at being woken up and couldn't handle it anymore. 

“Minho, I swear to god if you don’t turn off your shitty fucking alarm, I’m gonna lose my mind,” Changbin yelled across the room, throwing a pillow at Minho to get his point across. 

When the only response was a vague grunt and the alarm continuing to stab at his eardrums, Changbin gave up and got out of bed to stomp his way the 10 feet across their room to Minho’s bed. Grabbing his shoulder and shaking much harder than was necessary. “Minho, Minho, Minho, Minho. Wake the fuck up and tell me where your phone is so I can smash it to pieces.” 

Minho’s eyes slowly opened and he glanced around the room sleepily before his eyebrows furrowed as he processed what Changbin had said. 

“What? No. Why the fuck would I let you do that?” His hands fumbled around in his blankets before he pulled out his phone and turned off the alarm. “Also, why are you so mad? Don’t you have an 8:00 am class today too? You have to get up now anyway.” Minho said, sitting up and staring at Changbin in tired confusion. 

Changbin stared back for a moment, the irritation on his face turning into defeat and exhaustion. “Fuck.” He sat down heavily at the end of Minho’s bed before letting himself fall over into the blankets. Minho hummed along in agreement and patted Changbin’s back a few times to comfort him before snuggling back underneath his blankets for just a few more minutes of sleep. 

Changbin didn’t realize he had dozed off until Minho was trying to wake him. “Seriously though, dude. You gotta get up now if you wanna make it to that class.” Minho said, tapping at Changbin’s back, hoping to hurry him along. Changbin responded with what Minho assumed were words but really just sounded like a series of grunts and mumbles. 

“Uh, you wanna run that by me one more time? But maybe this time you shouldn’t be facedown in a pile of blankets.” Minho waited a moment, staring at Changbin’s back in silence before giving up, “No? Ok, cool, that’s fine.’’ 

Changbin groaned dramatically as he rolled himself over to lay flat on his back. He looked his roommate up and down quickly, realizing that Minho had somehow had the time to get ready and seemed fully prepared to face his day. 

“I said,” Changbin paused slightly for dramatic effect before locking eyes with Minho. “Can you please mercy kill me?” They stared at each other for a second, Changbin doing his best at begging, puppy dog eyes and Minho, completely unfazed. 

“Absolutely not. While I would love to finally put you out of your misery and give you the death you deserve, I’m definitely not going to prison for murder for you.” Minho paused as Changbin visibly deflated and slid off the side of his bed. “Besides, if you’re gone who knows who they’d give me for a roommate. He might end up being a bigger bitch than you.” 

Changbin immediately sat up from his place on the floor, his eyes wide and mouth open in exaggerated shock. “You take that back!” Minho hums and looks away, pretending to think for a second before turning back to his roommate, “No.” 

Changbin scrambles up off the floor before launching himself at Minho and pushing him down on the bed. “You take that back, Lee Minho, or you’ll regret it.” He says as he stands over Minho with a pillow raised above his head. “ _I’m_ the biggest bitch you’ve ever met and no one could ever top me.” 

Minho raises his hands up in defeat (or maybe it’s to ward off the blows from the pillow) and laughs, “Okay, okay. You win. You’re an absolute nightmare and I’ve never met anyone worse than you.” Changbin lowers slowly lowers the pillow, his expression soft and eyes sparkling, “Aww, do you really mean that?” Minho smiles back sweetly, “Of course I do.” 

Minho sits up as Changbin sits down on the edge of the bed. There’s a beat of silence before Minho starts speaking, “Real talk though, you’re one of my closest friends and I don’t think I could have survived this long if not for you. I can’t even imagine how hard it would have been with anyone else as my roommate. You’ve helped me through so, so much and I’ll always be here for you,” He pauses for a second, glancing over at Changbin to make eye contact, “You know that right?” He asks the last part in a soft voice. Changbin stares back, a heavy sadness behind his eyes and dread settling in his stomach. Minho must know, he must have overheard Changbin’s little meltdown from that night. 

“I-”, Changbin starts to answer but it gets stuck in his throat. He breaks the eye contact to stare at his hands that sit in his lap, sighing. “I know. I’m fine. Really, I’m fine. I’ve just been having weird nightmares lately but it’s nothing to worry about.” Now it’s his turn to look up and make eye contact, “I promise.” 

Minho looks back at him with a gentle smile, “Okay, just remember that I’m always here for you. And you can always change your mind if the nightmares become too much and you need someone to talk to.” Changbin nods but that doesn’t seem to be enough for Minho. 

“Okay?” he asks, a bit of urgency behind his voice. 

“Okay.” Changbin answers solidly, confidently. 

Minho nods once in satisfaction before standing up and moving about their small dorm room, quickly collecting his class materials. He’s on his way out the door when he stops and looks back at Changbin, still sitting on the bed. “By the way, you have like 3 minutes to get to class.” He closes the door behind him and hears a barely muffled “Fuck!” come through the thin door and walls. Minho laughs to himself as he hurries down the hall to get to his class on time. 


	2. i'll dig a pit and lay my bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i wasn't entirely happy w how this chap turned out but imma post it anyway 
> 
> sorry this update took forever :(

The warmth and comfort from his little heart to heart with Minho quickly faded as Changbin went about his day. He was left with that heavy, aching, _bad_ feeling from before. Its barbs had sunk deep into him and didn’t seem to want to let go. He tries his best to ignore it and pretend it’s just like any other day and hope that tomorrow will be better. 

Tomorrow is not better. If anything it’s worse. The mystery nightmare had returned and Changbin had woken up to experience the same emotional turbulence as before. This time, however, Minho had actually been staying at his boyfriend's so he was free to cry until he had no tears left. After Changbin had exhausted his supply of energy and tears he let himself feel the awful, aching emptiness before finally getting up and making himself go about his day as if nothing was wrong.

After almost a week of this exhausting routine, Changbin decided that this wouldn’t go away on its own and took matters into his own hands. If the nightmares were making him feel this way then the solution was simple: just stop sleeping. If he didn’t sleep then there was no chance of the nightmares returning and bothering him, if the nightmares never came then the emotions never came either. If they never came then they couldn’t stay and plague his waking hours.

In his exhausted mind, desperate for freedom from these clinging, crushing emotions, this seemed like a pretty decent idea.

Unfortunately for Changbin, it really wasn’t. 

At first, this plan worked marvelously. With the time that he normally spent sleeping now unoccupied Changbin was able to get a lot more done. He was always weirdly productive at night anyway so now was truly his time to shine. He caught up on his school assignments first and then proceeded to spend his nights catching up on all the cleaning he and Minho had been putting off since the semester had started. Minho immediately noticed the unnatural cleanliness of their room and the slight manic look in Changbin’s eyes but decided not to say anything, chalking it up to the stress of classes and the never-ending pressure from parents and society to do well. 

He may have been desperate but Changbin wasn’t stupid. He didn’t cut out sleeping completely. Instead, he limited himself to short naps squeezed in in-between classes and plans with his friends. Short naps were better, even more so if they were taken during the day because then there wasn’t enough time for him to slip into a deeper sleep and dream. With no dreams, there were also no nightmares and the problem remained solved. 

Changbin also nearly doubled his energy drink intake in an effort to sleep less. However, this didn’t go unnoticed by his friends.

“You know,” Minho said loudly, getting Changbin’s attention from across the room. “At some point, you gotta grow up and just do coke, dude.” 

Changbin had just gotten back to his dorm room and was unpacking his small haul of energy drinks from the convenience store and arranging them in neat rows along the edge of his desk. Minho and his boyfriend, Jisung, were huddled beneath blankets on Minho’s bed, watching movies on his laptop and eating cheap pizza. 

Glancing over his shoulder, Changbin stared at them blankly for a second before quickly refocusing on unpacking the last of his drinks. 

“Okay,” Changbin said turning around to fully face the couple, his voice even and his face serious. “You know where I can get some?”

Jisung’s head immediately rose to look at Changbin, his attention quickly shifting from the movie playing on the laptop to his friend’s words. A tense moment passed between the three of them before they all starting laughing. 

“C’mon, guys, we all know that cocaine is a rich people drug and I am but a lowly student,” Changbin joked as he made his way over to Minho’s bed to steal a piece of their now room temperature pizza. Minho nodded and hummed along in agreement, his focus slowly returning to the movie that was still playing. Jisung, however, was much more affected by these words and was still laughing loudly at the whole scene. 

“Besides,” Changbin continued. “We all know that Adderall is _where it’s at!_ ” The last part was said in a flat sing-song voice, each word accompanied by a small shoulder shimmy. Another wave of laughter doubled Jisung over and brought tears to his eyes. Minho completely ignored them, wholly uninterested in what they were talking about when he could watch his movie instead. 

“No, but for real though,” Jisung said, pushing through the laughter and wiping his eyes. “if you’re looking I know a guy.” 

“Oh?” Changbin asked in exaggerated surprise, his tone asking for more information. However, _that_ had caught Minho’s attention. His head snapped up and he looked straight ahead for a second while processing what he just heard before turning to look at Jisung, a scowl heavy on his face. 

“Why do _you_ know a guy,” Minho asked, leaning in for effect. “For Adderall?” Jisung stared at him for a second, confusion and surprise at Minho’s tone mixing on his face before being replaced with sudden understanding. 

“Ohh. No, I wasn’t looking for Adderall,” Jisung explained quickly. “I literally just know a guy who also happens to be selling Adderall.” Jisung laughed at the misunderstanding as the scowl on Minho’s face melted away and the obvious tension in his posture completely dissolved. 

“Oh, okay, that makes sense,” Minho said, nodding in thought with a small smile on his face, seemingly satisfied with Jisung’s answer before he zoned out, a distant look coming into his eyes. After a few seconds of staring into space he seemed to snap out of it, blinking a few times before his eyes flicked over to Changbin, who was now perched on the end of the bed with his cold pizza. “By the way, I also know a guy for Adderall if you need it,” Minho said in a casual tone as he shifted lower into the pile of blankets covering him and Jisung, his eyes settling back on the laptop screen and his hands reaching to pull Jisung closer. 

“Wha-” Jisung cut himself off, his mouth hanging open and his face a mix of confused shock and amusement as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened. He glanced between Changbin and Minho before shrugging, decidedly unbothered by Minho and his strange antics. Jisung’s attention was quickly back on the movie that was still playing and he let himself be pulled further into the blanket pile and closer to Minho. 

A few minutes passed, the only noises coming from the movie on the laptop as Changbin finished his pizza and watched his friends be completely immersed in their movie. When it became clear to him that they had all but forgotten he was there, Changbin threw himself across the foot of the bed dramatically, landing so that he was flat on his back staring at the ceiling. 

“Y’know,” Changbin said loudly before pausing to make sure he had their attention, his eyes moving across the ceiling as if there were something interesting up there to look at rather than just water stained tiles and a few cobwebs that he hadn’t been tall enough to knock down during his cleaning spree. “You guys might be dating and, like, ‘soulmates’ or whatever,” the last part was said with exaggerated disdain and half-hearted air quotes before Changbin rolled over to make eye contact with the couple before continuing, “But I was friends with you guys first, before you guys even knew each other. _I_ was the reason you guys even met in the first place.” 

Minho nodded along with a blank face, “Yes, everything you’ve said is accurate.” He stopped there, knowing better than to say anything else. Jisung, however, didn’t and after a few moments passed in silence, with Minho staring at Changbin and Changbin staring at Jisung as if he were waiting for something, Jisung couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Ok, but what-” Jisung was almost immediately cut off by Changbin. 

“You guys _never_ hang out with me anymore! You spend all your time with each other and you’ve completely forgotten about poor little me.” Changbin loudly complained with his voice as high and whiny as he could make it, his eyebrows coming together and his bottom lip getting pushed as far out as it would go. 

Once again, the three of them found themselves staring at each other in silence, Minho, completely unimpressed as per usual, Changbin, trying to hold the exaggerated pout on his face for as long as possible, and Jisung, pressing his lips together and trying his hardest not to laugh. Changbin was the first to give up after it was obvious he wasn’t going to get what he wanted (whatever that had been). His face quickly relaxed into his normal blank scowl and he stood up, obviously done bothering them and ready to move on to something else that might be a little more fulfilling. 

“Anyways, I’m off to do what I do best,” Changbin said as he moved across the room to gather up some of his things. “Nap in public places in the early afternoon.” He turned to his friends once again, a satisfied smile on his face at the thought of another successful nap carried out in a wildly inappropriate place at an equally inappropriate time. 

Jisung laughed while Minho looked over at Changbin, leaning his full weight against Jisung, “So where’s today’s location?” He asked, a smile on his face. 

Changbin made a large sweeping gesture with both of hands in the space in front of his face, “The library.” 

“Ooo,” Jisung said appreciatively. “Let us know how it goes.” 

“Will do,” Changbin replied before double checking he had everything he needed: wallet, phone, headphones, and, of course, an energy drink. After confirming that he had everything he could need he left for the library, throwing one last glance over his shoulder at his friends. 

The blankets were pulled over their heads and wrapped around them to make a cute little cocoon where only their faces and a bit of their shoulders were visible. Minho had his head resting on Jisung’s shoulder and while his eyes were still focused on the screen, it was obvious that he was struggling not to doze off. Jisung was glancing back and forth between the screen and Minho with a soft, knowing smile on his face. 

The small glimpse he’d caught of the cute scene between Minho and Jisung was enough to leave Changbin smiling almost all the way to the library. He’d known Minho for a decently long time and Jisung for even longer and had always hoped their soulmates would be kind and caring to them like they deserved. He had been completely caught off guard when they turned out to be each other’s soulmates, but Changbin could immediately tell it was a perfect match (which, to be fair, is kind of exactly the point of soulmates but still). 

Soulmates were a weird thing, nobody knew exactly why it happened and plenty of people had questioned and gone against it over the years but for most people, it was just how things were. The soulmarks appeared at some point in puberty, sometimes earlier, sometimes later, depending on the person but by their 18th birthday at the latest. They would appear on the person’s dominant hand, a line of writing wrapped around their wrist. The writing would be the first words your soulmate spoke to you, written in their handwriting, wrapped around the wrist like a bracelet.

It wasn’t super strict or exact, though. For example, people who were ambidextrous had their soulmarks randomly on one wrist instead of both. Another example was that some people had two soulmates, a line of text wrapping around each wrist in two different scripts. This also meant that there was the possibility of someone having no soulmark and even though it was rare it still happened. 

Changbin happened to be one of the few who was without a soulmark. Because the window for getting your soulmark was so large, it wasn’t until his second year of high school that Changbin finally realized he most likely didn’t have a soulmate. By that point, almost all of his classmates had gotten theirs (some had even met their other half) but Changbin was left without. 

His parents remained hopeful but Changbin worked hard to accept it as soon as he could. Outwardly, he tried his best to give off an aura that he was fine with it and that he preferred being alone even. However, Changbin still started his days off checking both his wrists to make sure nothing had appeared while he had slept. He knew with each passing day that is was more and more unlikely that he’d have his soulmark make an appearance, but every morning he woke up with blank wrists it crushed him a little more. 

The morning of his 18th birthday had been the absolute worst. While he’d been able to hold out a little bit of hope that he was just an extremely late bloomer in the years before, this was it. Changbin had purposefully worn long sleeves to sleep the night before, wanting to make sure he didn’t see his wrists before he was ready. He had sat, staring at his covered wrists for what seemed like hours, not wanting to give up his last shred of hope for being normal and lovable in his own eyes. When he’d finally pushed up his sleeves they had been hiding nothing but the plain skin that had always been there. 

Luckily, his parents had had the forethought to let him miss school that day and had promised not to bother him until he was ready to talk. Changbin cycled through a range of emotions that day.

First, it had been crushing sadness that left him sobbing for far too long. _Why didn’t he get a soulmate? Was he that utterly unloveable?_

Then, suddenly, Changbin had been filled with an inexplicable, blinding rage. _Who had decided he wasn’t good enough to have a soulmate? Why did this have to be taken from him?_

He broke anything and everything in his room that he could; it didn’t make him feel any better. 

Next, it had been jealousy so strong he thought it would choke him. _Everyone he knew got a soulmate, why didn’t he? How were they any better or any more deserving than him?_

Finally, his entire being was permeated with an overwhelming sense of defeat and loneliness. It crushed the breath out of his lungs and left him hurting. Changbin had expected more tears to appear but they never did. Instead, he just sat struggling to breathe, his mind covered in a heavy blanket of total defeat and his eyes unfocused.

Changbin shook his head hoping to get rid of the sudden memories. That had all happened years ago and a lot had changed since then. He had worked hard to teach himself that not only was he capable of loving and being loved but that he was deserving of it.

Once he was actually in the library, Changbin realized that maybe it hadn’t been the best option. It was absolutely packed with students doing projects and writing papers and study groups cramming for tests. But then again, maybe it was even better that it was so busy, maybe it would help with the nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also a lot of this was written after like half a bottle of rum so pls forgive any mistakes i might have missed lol


	3. a path of old primrose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise im not dead! Sorry its taken so long for me to update this, I havent forgotten it and i dont plan to, i promise
> 
> I just got super busy and then honestly just spent a lot of time partying, i managed to get alcohol poisoning twice and straight up almost died lol  
> pro tip: benadryl and moonshine dont mix well
> 
> anway heres this chapter and hopefully i ll update much sooner than last time if everything goes as planned

After a few weeks of his new routine things started to go downhill for Changbin. It started with the headache. 

Honestly, he wasn’t even sure when it first started because he didn’t notice it right away. Now, obviously, he’d had headaches before but this one was different. This one seemed to have no source and nothing Changbin did had any effect on it, for good or bad. Loud sounds and bright light didn’t make it worse but absolutely nothing made it better, not even a good amount of sleep. Sometimes it faded to a dull ache that sat right behind his eyes and was easily forgotten but sometimes it grew so strong, so suddenly, that the sharp, stabbing pains made him flinch and brought tears to his eyes. 

While Changbin was worried about the headache, there was something off about it and it unsettled him a bit, he was quickly distracted with other issues. One of which was the noises that he had started hearing. 

Sometimes it would be a loud banging, like someone had dropped a large metal pan onto a tiled floor, and it would be so loud and abrupt that it would cause him to flinch and leave his ears ringing. The first time it had happened had been while he was in class. The sound had come from behind him and he immediately twisted around in his seat to see what had happened but was met with confused and surprised looks from his classmates after turning so suddenly. He had quickly turned to face the front, realizing that no one else had heard the noise. 

Sometimes, however, Changbin heard whispers. They weren’t very loud and were never long enough or clear enough for him to make out what was being said but it was obvious to him that it was people talking, whispering. It was like walking through a busy store, as you passed by people you could hear a few syllables of their conversation and maybe a word or two before you were once again out of earshot or focusing on something else. 

Multiple times a day Changbin would hear this whispering dialogue in small snippets but didn't think much of it because, honestly, he just didn’t want to. He’d often turn to his friends asking for them to repeat themselves only for them to explain they hadn’t said anything. Other times Changbin would end up outright ignoring people trying to get his attention or talking to him, to focused on what he was doing to realize that someone was actually speaking to him instead of the whispers. 

In fact, Changbin’s behaviors changed in a lot of ways, seemingly for the worst, as a result of all this. All these things had taken their toll on him and it honestly showed. This, paired with all of the added pressures of classes, assignments, and deadlines, drained Changbin until he was practically a zombie, only alive to be alive, not to be anything other than a tense ball of nerves and exhausting responsibilities. 

Changbin’s friends definitely noticed, most assuming the cause was him overworking himself, all thought there were a few, Minho for example, who had a little bit better of an idea of the state of his mental health. Changbin was so distracted with himself he sort of forgot that his struggles were clear to others and that they would not only notice, but worry about him. 

 

“C’mon Changbin,” Jisung whined from his spot next to Minho, pushing his bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. “You have to come.” 

Changbin was currently sitting on his friend Chan’s couch, in the apartment he shared with his boyfriend Woojin. They were both seniors, a year above Changbin and Minho, and lived off campus in a generically mediocre apartment. Changbin and the rest of his small group of friends lived on campus so obviously every gathering has to be held at the older couples apartment, regardless of what they were doing. 

Changbin drew in a deep breath and glanced at Chan across the coffee table, his eyes clearing asking the older for help. But instead, Chan just shrugged and nodded as if he just realized he agreed with Jisung. 

“Honestly, I think you should go too,” Chan said, his face a little apologetic but mostly unmerciful in the nicest way possible. “You haven’t actually done anything in what seems like months. All you do is go to class and study alone, you need to stop living like a hermit.” 

“But I don’t wanna go,” Changbin whined dramatically, closing his eyes and falling back against the couch in defeat. Jisung quickly recognized that Changbin had given up arguing, even if he pretended like he didn’t, and stood up from the couch. 

“Yes! Changbin is coming to the party!” Jisung yelled and started doing a ridiculous victory dance before Minho pulled him back down on the couch. Minho glanced over at Changbin with sympathetic eyes and in a much quieter voice asked, “I mean, I’ll be there at least so it won’t be too bad, right?” 

Before Changbin could answer Woojin and Felix, Jisung’s roommate, returned from the kitchen, arms full of canned sodas and bags of snacks. Woojin carefully placed his load of snacks on the table while Felix leaned over and dropped all of his into a messy pile. 

“So you guys convinced Changbin to go to that party, huh?” Woojin asked as he settled himself next to Chan on the smaller couch opposite of Changbin. 

“Yes!”

“No!”

Jisung and Changbin both yelled an answer back at Woojin, who just raised his eyebrows in amusement and chuckling to himself before continuing to divide up the snacks on the table. 

A moment or two of silence passed with Jisung and Changbin having a power struggle via staring contest. Changbin quickly cracked and collapsed back on the couch. 

“I don’t even know whose party it is,” Changbin said, annoyance at losing creeping into his voice. 

“It’s Jinnie’s birthday,” Felix added in from his spot on the other side of Jisung, but his mouth was already full of his crunchy snack of choice so it came out much more muffled. 

Changbin vaguely recalled stories about Jisung and Felix’s friend Jinnie, the underclassmen were always getting up to the most ridiculous shenanigans. He’d never actually met Jinnie but he’d heard enough to know that he was a decently trustworthy person, and also that the party would be absolutely wild in the best way possible. Changbin was pulled out of his thoughts by Felix continuing to explain the party. 

“Yeah, he’s a sophomore, like us, but he lives off campus with his parents. He’s lowkey hella rich and his parents just so happen to be out of town for his birthday this year so he’s throwing a massive house party,” Felix explained, eyes shining with excitement and words much clearer now that his mouth was free of food. 

Changbin’s eyebrows rose in interest, his expression changing into something more thoughtful. Now that he was past his initial reluctance to go to any party, regardless of details, this particular party was actually sounding pretty nice. A rich kid party hosted by a close friend of a friend, sure to have a pretty much infinite amount of alcohol and plenty of backrooms, for anything from drugs to drinking games. Now that was a party Changbin could get behind. 

Jisung has been watching Changbin’s expression closely and immediately noticed when the older boy realized he would actually enjoy going. 

“I told you, it’s gonna be a _fantastic_ party,” Jisung said in a smug tone as he wiggles back down into Minho’s side. 

“Yeah,” Felix added. “Jinnie’s parties never disappoint.” 

While Changbin and Jisung had been discussing the party, Woojin has finished handing out snacks to the appropriate guests and Chan had pulled up a movie on the TV and was just waiting for the younger boys to finish talking to start it. 

“Wait,” Changbin said, suddenly realizing something and turning to Felix. “No offense, and I totally don’t mind that you’re here but, why /are/ you here? You’re not part of the usual gang for movie night.” 

Felix’s overall demeanor changed from the usual, excitable Felix into an uncharacteristically sad and gloomy Felix. He opened his mouth to answer Changbin but was immediately interrupted before he’d even began. 

“His boyfriends are busy and he wouldn’t stop moping around our dorm room and complaining so I brought him with me,” Jisung explained quickly, his voice showing no sympathy so that his words bordered on complaining. 

“Ah,” Changbin nodded in understanding, his brain slowly processing the plurality of the word boyfriend as his eyes slowly moved down to Felix’s wrists where a line of handwriting wrapped around each one. A small burst of jealousy and hatred went off in his chest purely by habit. Changbin had spent a long time jealous and senselessly hating the lucky few with, not only one, but two soulmates. When he was younger he thought that it was unfair that he got no one while other people got two, he thought that they were greedy and selfish. But now, after working through all of his anger and trying his hardest to be a happier, healthier person, Changbin knows that instead he should feel happy for his friend. 

So he does. 

He pushes all the resentment and jealousy aside and firmly puts happiness in its place. 

Changbin pulls himself out of his head, his chest warm with pride and fondness towards the younger boy, and realizes that everyone else had gone silent. Four sets of knowing eyes watched him, some more knowing than others, but all of them watching just the same. The last set of eyes, Felix’s, may have been watching but they were far from knowing. It was clear in the way that his eyes flickered between the others, his face scrunched in worry and confusion as the other four boys watched Changbin, waiting for him to react. 

To be fair, in the past Changbin had had a habit of reacting poorly to the news of someone having two soulmates, his responses ranging from storming off angrily to getting into physical fights. It’s not something he was proud of and tried his hardest to make up for. It hurt just a little to know that his friends still expected something like that but again Changbin pushed it to the side, knowing that they were worried about him and not the consequences of an outburst. 

Changbin laughed, directing his next words at Jisung, “Like you’re any better. Whenever Minho’s busy all you do is mope and complain.” 

The mood of the room changed instantly. 

“He’s right,” Chan said, chuckling to himself. “You really have no room to talk Jisung.” 

Jisung sputtered, his face looking both betrayed and incredibly red with embarrassment. He looked to Minho for help as the rest of the group laughed, but Minho just looked back with a smug expression on his face. 

“Oh, so you miss me that much whenever I’m not around?” Minho teased, poking Jisung’s sides as he tried to squirm away. They struggled like that for a minute while the rest of them laughed, eventually Minho managed to land one good poke. Jisung yelped loudly before scrambling off of the couch. 

“I’m your boyfriend, it's literally my job to miss you, _my boyfriend_ , when you’re gone,” Jisung whined, frustration clear in his voice. The smug expression melted off of Minho’s face and was replaced with a fond smile. “I know,” he said softly, pulling Jisung back down on the couch and kissing the top of his head. 

Felix and Changbin made eye contact from their respective ends of the couch, both with their faces twisted up in exaggerated disgust. Felix dramatically rolled his eyes at the couple before taking a sip of his drink. Changbin laughed, deciding that he liked the younger boy. 

“So, uhh, can I start the movie now?” Woojin asked, remote in his hand and eyebrows raised. 

 

By the time the movie ended Changbin and Woojin were the only two left awake. Felix and Jisung had been the first to fall asleep and they were curled up together in the corner of the couch. Minho had fallen asleep sitting up, his head bent forward with his chin resting against his chest, hands folded in his lap. Changbin didn’t know how he could sleep in such an uncomfortable looking position but Minho managed it easily. 

Chan had fallen asleep with his head resting on Woojin’s shoulder, his mouth hanging open in his sleep, with soft snores escaping on every other breath. Chan had fallen asleep pretty quickly but pulled the classic dad card, insisting that he wasn’t sleeping and that, instead, he was just ‘resting his eyes’. 

Changbin stood up from the couch and stretched before leaning over to clean the empty cans and snack wrappers from the coffee table. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Woojin said softly as he wiggled himself out from underneath a sleepy Chan to help Changbin. 

“No, it’s fine,” Changbin said. “I don’t mind.” 

Woojin nodded and they cleaned up in silence, or as silent as it could be with Chan snoring on the couch next to them. After they had gathered everything up they moved into the kitchen, Woojin with a stack of empty wrappers and Changbin with an armful of soda cans. 

“Are you staying here tonight?” Woojin asked after he finished cramming all the trash into the trash can. 

“Uhh,” Changbin focused his attention on the sink where he was pouring out all the leftover soda from the cans before he threw them away. 

While it would be a lot easier for him to just stay the night at Woojin’s apartment rather than driving all the way back to the dorms, Changbin wasn’t sure. Changbin would love to just sleep in their guest bedroom and he was sure to wake up to breakfast that someone else cooked, that, or a trip to Waffle House. But what if he had one of his nightmares, what would he do then? Would he have to explain himself? In any situation where that happened it would just worry his friends further. 

“Nah,” Changbin finally answered, scooping up all the drained cans and throwing them away. “I think I'm gonna just head back to my place.” 

“Ok,” Woojin nodded and followed Changbin into the living room. “Just as long as you drive safe and make sure to text me when you get home.” 

“Okay, _Mom_ ,” Changbin laughed as he patted down his pockets to double check he had all of his things before slipping on his shoes. He has laughed it off easily but it really did make Changbin feel warm on the inside to have the older boy nagging him. 

Changbin’s smile grew even bigger when he caught sight of the couch. At some point Minho had scooted over and joined Felix and Jisung in their cuddly nap. Jisung had ended up squished in the middle but didn’t seem bothered by it at all, a soft, content look on his face and a boy on each side stealing body heat, or maybe giving body heat. 

Changbin and Woojin both watched the three on the couch for a moment before Chan snored a particularly loud snore and scared himself awake. 

“Wha-,” Chan was sitting straight up glancing around in panicked confusion, his hair all over the place and his eyes still mostly closed in sleep. 

Woojin laughed softly before turning back to Changbin, “Ok, well, I gotta get this idiot to bed. Please make sure to text me.” 

“Will do,” Changbin replied opening the door. “Good luck with, uhhh,” he glanced back at Chan on the couch. “that.” 

 

Despite the warm feeling that followed him home, Changbin still ended up with nightmares. Or rather, more accurately, his nightmare. It was always the same one, almost never changing. 

Now that he was in his dream, Changbin remembered. 

He remembered that he’d always be falling. And true to that memory, Changbin was falling once again. It could have been only seconds after he started falling or it could be years, Changbin couldn’t tell. Maybe he’d always been falling. 

He remembered that he’d always be burning, impossibly hot and ever constant. The heat would follow him into his waking hours when everything else had gone. 

He remembered that he’d remember, but that he’d forget. Just as suddenly as the memories flooded his brain they would be gone. When he awoke he would be a smoldering shell of what he was supposed to be, what he should be. He would be devoid of the things that made him _him_. 

The thought of going back to that version of himself made Changbin’s very soul _ache_. He was desperate to hold onto himself, but then again, wasn’t he always. He could remember, so he knew, it was always like this. He was always desperate, always falling, always burning, always forgetting. He was stuck in a loop and he so desperately wanted to end it. 

But then came the part he looked forward to, the part that he was desperate for. Where, for a moment, Changbin remembered small snippets of _him_. He remembered being happy and unbothered. He remembered the overwhelming love. 

But then he didn’t. 

Changbin woke up gasping for breath, his head pounding and his heart aching. After catching his breath and realizing what had happened, he had once again had his nightmare, Changbin slid back underneath his blankets. He pulled his comforter up to his chin and let out a shaky breath, willing himself not to cry. 

He ended up crying, how could he not? He was overwhelmed by the empty, aching feeling in his chest and the yearning for something more, something missing, something lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is kind of just a filler chapter but it lays some groundwork for other stuff 
> 
> Im sure yall can figure out who jisung and felix's friend "jinnie" is lol 
> 
> also for anyone interested there will be a minsung prequel bc theres a whole lot of back story between them that i care abt way too much to leave alone


	4. roses caught on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long to get up ive had a lot going on honestly but i kind of always have a lot going on lol 
> 
> lowkey kinda completely changed my entire life: new job, new room mate, new car  
> lol dw tho im still partying Hard
> 
> my new job gives me a lot of free time so hopefully the next chapters will be up much quicker but rlly who knows

The end of the week, and the day of the party, approached rapidly for Changbin. He couldn’t tell if he was buzzing with excitement or nervousness but, regardless, he was buzzing. 

Even with the buzzing in his brain about the party, Changbin still managed to forget about it by the time Friday came around. 

“I’m so ready for tonight,” Jisung said, his shoulders pulling up in exaggerated anticipation. “It’s gonna be _so fun_!” The last words were stretched out in excitement as his voice went up in pitch.

Changbin was in Jisung’s car, risking his life, for a snack run. Jisung was the type to completely disregard safety in favor of literally anything else when driving. He always had music blasting and sang along wholeheartedly and most of the time he would dance along to the best of his ability, even if that meant his hands weren’t on the wheel and his eyes were focused somewhere other than the road. Jisung almost always had all of his windows down, wind whipping through the car and adding to the overall manic, unsafe experience. 

Changbin realized early in their friendship that, without a doubt, Jisung’s driving habits reinforced the stereotype that gays can’t drive but, also, Changbin didn’t drive at all so who was he to complain. 

“Wait,” Changbin’s eyebrows gathered in confusion and his head tilted in thought. “Tonight? What’s tonight?” 

Felix suddenly appeared at Changbin’s shoulder, his head poking up from the backseat. 

“Y’know, _the party!_ ” Felix’s answer started out casual but ended with his eyes shining and mouth open in a large smile with enough excitement to match Jisung. 

A long moment of tense silence stretched between the three of them, Jisung and Felix holding in their previous excitement in anticipation of Changbin’s reaction and Changbin trying to make his brain work. 

Changbin’s eyes darted between the two other boys worriedly before finally breaking the short silence. 

“Wait, I thought it was Thursday today,” Changbin argued but the realization had settled in and defeated acceptance was clear in his demeanor. 

Felix let out a loud bark of laughter before collapsing backwards into his seat and giving in to a fit of laughter. 

Jisung sucked in a breath in lackluster sympathy, “Yeah, that sucks for you dude,” He glanced over at Changbin and chuckled humorlessly before continuing, “But it’s definitely Friday and you’re definitely coming to that party.” 

“Fine,” Changbin sighed. “But you guys have to come help me get ready.” Changbin spared a glance to Felix in the backseat, who had finished laughing at Changbin’s stupidity and was wiping tears from his eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Felix said, his mouth responding before his brain realized what he’d heard. After realizing what Changbin had said his eyebrows shot up in surprise. Scooting forward to once again stick his head up between the two front seats he looked at Jisung, his hand urgently tapping against his shoulder, “Yes. Totally, we will. Right, Jisung?” 

After confirming that Changbin would come to the party, not that he actually had a choice in the first place, Jisung had immediately twisted the volume all the way up and began screeching along with the song that was playing. 

“Right, Jisung?” Felix yelled next to Jisung’s ear to be heard over the music after he realized his first attempt had been unsuccessful. 

Jisung’s head whipped over to look at Felix with surprised eyes, “What? Yeah, totally.” His answer immediately following his confused question as his brain processed what he’d heard. Jisung kept staring at Felix for another moment or two, long enough for Changbin to once again get uncomfortable because of how long Jisung’s eyes had been off the road and his bad driving habits. 

Jisung’s eyes flickered back to the road for a second before settling on Changbin. “We’ll help you,” Jisung said seriously, although the effect was somewhat ruined by the car radio blasting Twice’s new song. 

“But,” Jisung said ominously and Changbin immediately deflated, of course there was a condition, there was always a condition with Jisung. “You have to wear whatever, and I mean _whatever_ , me and Felix pick out.” 

Changbin looked over at Felix, his head still poking up between the seats and, once again, with his eyes shining with excitement. 

“Fine,” Changbin’s sighed, sliding down into his seat as the other two boys laughed in a pleased way that all but confirmed that they had a scheme cooking. 

With their moods overwhelmingly excited, for the party, but also because of their small victory over Changbin, Felix and Jisung once again started screaming along to music in the car and dancing along. Felix was more successful with dancing because he wasn’t driving but Jisung tried his hardest. 

Changbin groaned and covered his face with his hands, he already knew he was going to regret his decision to go along with whatever they had planned and, judging from the manic glee that possessed them from convincing Changbin, it was nothing good. 

 

Changbin regretted his decision. 

After Changbin agreed he was rushed to Felix and Jisung’s dorm, snacks forgotten in place of something much better: a chance to dress Changbin up. 

Not that Changbin didn’t dress up; he did. He just preferred his own styling, which, for the most part, consisted of comfortable black clothes like sweatpants and an ungodly amount of hoodies. On several different occasions his friends, mostly Jisung, had tried to convince him to let them style him but he consistently refused. Until now that is. 

Now, hours after they started, Jisung and Felix had finally decided on an outfit for Changbin. 

Changbin looked himself up and down in the full length mirror in the younger boys’ bathroom and, oh boy did he regret his decision. 

“Are you done yet?” Jisung called through the door, his voice mixing with the faint music Changbin could hear playing in the other room. 

Changbin sighed, readying himself for dealing with the younger two, and quickly flung the bathroom door open. Jisung and Felix had quickly lapsed back into idle conversation in the few seconds it had taken Changbin to respond but they quickly turned, their faces surprised and Felix’s mouth open as he cut himself off in favor of staring at Changbin in his party outfit. 

To their credit, Jisung and Felix had chosen an outfit that suited Changbin, both physically and in regards to personality. He was wearing a tight black t-shirt and an even tighter pair of black leather pants with a small cluster of chains that looped around the side of his hip. Changbin had argued at first because, really, how could a pair of Jisung’s pants possibly fit him? Now he realized the answer was very tightly. 

Jisung looked Changbin up and down, a look of pure glee on his face, obviously very proud of himself. Felix just stared, his mouth still hanging open from whatever sentence had been cut short from Changbin’s entrance back into their dorm. 

Jisung suddenly tossed him a messy bundle of leather straps and Changbin caught them with something very similar to panic flashing through his eyes for the split second before he managed to get a solid grip on the bundle. 

“Trust me,” Jisung said, moving his hands out in a soothing gesture. “Just put that last bit on.” 

Changbin unwound the bundle without much argument to find out it was actually a body harness and, after a somewhat helpless, confused look back at Jisung, he slowly went about deciphering how to put it on. 

“Oh my god,” Felix finally broke his silence. “You’re literally _so hot_.” 

Changbin spared him a glance up from the tangle of straps in his hands to find Felix’s eyes practically glued to his arms. Changbin’s eyebrows furrowed together as he realized that in his, so far, short friendship with Felix, not only had the younger never seen him actually dressed up but, since their friendship only extended to the winter months, Felix had most likely never seen his arms bare until now. 

“Yeah,” Jisung interjected, his head nodding proudly as he immediately realized what was going on. “Changbin’s pretty fucking _stacked_ , bro.” 

Felix looked back and forth between Changbin and Jisung for a minute before asking, “Why don’t you dress up more often then? You’re clearly _very_ good looking?” 

Changbin gave Felix a vague, pained expression before returning his focus to the still tangled mess in his hands. 

Honestly, Changbin didn’t really think there was any reason for him to dress up at all. He didn’t have anyone to dress up for and it wasn’t like he was trying to attract anyone. Most people had soulmates, found or not, and they were holding out for them. The people who weren’t were just looking to blow off steam while they waited, mostly executed in the form of one night stands and quick, meaningless flings. 

Changbin had found out pretty quickly that that life just wasn’t for him, not after the countless nights spent with partners whose wrists were wrapped with the words of others and hearts otherwise preoccupied. He had decided that, after having his heart broken so many times, even when he tried to avoid it, it just wasn’t worth the momentary intimacy and the illusion of love. After that he didn’t really dress up for anything anymore, what was the point? 

Jisung shot Felix a harsh warning look before hopping up off the bed to help Changbin slip the now untangled harness onto his torso and tighten the straps appropriately. Felix stared at Jisung for a confused moment, his mouth once again open, however this time in confusion. A lightbulb seemed to go off above Felix’s head as his eyes darted down to Changbin’s blank wrists and his mouth snapped shut in embarrassment, his cheeks burning red. 

The three of them finished getting ready in relative silence, music still playing softly in the background but with no words exchanged among them. The finishing touches were added to their outfits along with makeup and shoes. Jisung made sure to line Changbin’s eyes heavily with smudged liner before nodding in satisfaction at his handiwork and hurriedly applying his own makeup. 

As they left for the party Felix appeared at Changbin’s side.

“I’m sorry,” Felix said softly. Changbin turned to look at him, his eyes hard on instinct at the prospect of pity but as Felix turned to look at him, his head ducked and eyebrows pulled together in something between shame and genuine empathy, Changbin’s expression softened. It was clear that Felix wasn’t just apologizing for his thoughtless comments earlier but that he seemed to grasp the reality that he had two soulmates while Changbin had no one and Felix was trying to apologize for the unfairness of the world. 

“It’s okay,” Changbin said, his arm reaching out to wrap around Felix’s shoulders and pull him closer. “It’s not your fault,” Changbin explained, his voice quiet and wistful but also forgiving. 

Felix looked up at the older, his face easily betraying his emotions as his eyes grew shiny with tears. His lip wobbled slightly and his eyebrows twitched together before Felix finally broke eye contact with Changbin, turning away suddenly and taking in a deep breath. 

“Oh, no, no, no,” Felix groaned, his small hands frantically fanning his tearful eyes. “If I cry and ruin my makeup _again_ , I think Jisung will actually kill me.” 

“Yeah,” Changbin agreed, clearing his throat of any emotion that might have gotten stuck there to make way for more lighthearted conversation. “Jisung is a feral little monster.” 

As if hearing his name, Jisung suddenly yelled from where he was ahead of them without so much as a glance at the pair, “If you guys don't hurry up Jinnie’s gonna be 50 by the time we actually get to his party.” 

The two hurried their steps to catch up to Jisung and be on their way to the party. 

 

In the few minutes it had taken to get the neighborhood of their destination the cramped, somewhat dirty confines of downtown had transformed into nice subdivisions, only getting nicer the longer they drove. 

Eventually Jisung pulled into the biggest, nicest neighborhood they had encountered so far. 

Changbin stared, eyes open wide as he took in the rolling hills of meticulously landscaped yards and sprawling houses carefully placed among the manmade hills. Each house was of an absolutely ridiculous size, in fact using the word mansion probably wouldn’t be incorrect, carefully spaced out to maximize comfort and privacy. Too far apart for a need to worry about nosy neighbors or noise complaints in response to any out of hand parties that might happen, however just close enough to give the homeowners an opportunity to be friendly with neighbors if they felt the need.  
“I know y’all said he was rich but _fuck_ ,” Changbin said, as Jisung followed the curvy road between the small hills, probably going much faster than the neighborhood association would have liked or then was safe. 

Felix turned to face him, his signature grin taking over his face, “I know right! But don’t worry,” Felix said seriously, shaking his head. “He’s not, like, an asshole or anything,” He assured. 

Changbin nodded, already distracted with staring out the window once again. 

He wasn’t sure if it was because he was dressed up or if it was seeing all the fancy houses with their big yards, or maybe a mix of the two, but realization and excitement for the party finally settled around Changbin’s bones. It had been awhile since he’d last been to a party and he was genuinely excited. 

Jisung rounded a curve in the road much stronger than he should have and a house came into view, or at least the driveway of a house. _This has to be their friend’s house_ , Changbin thought as he saw the rows of cars messily parked along the road and in the grass. 

As a true representation of the college student body and their finances, there were old, rundown cars and shiny, expensive parent provided cars side by side. Jisung’s shitty little Honda blended in perfect as he parked in the grass with little to no care. 

“We are here my dudes!” Jisung practically yelled as he turned off the car and opened his car door in one quick motion. Changbin hesitated in the car for a moment longer taking in a deep breath to help calm his last minute nerves before facing an entire party of peers. 

Changbin and Felix quickly followed Jisung around the other cars and up the driveway to the house, excitement chasing them inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did this chapter accomplish anything? not rlly. is it the fourth chapter w virtually no mention of hyunjin? yep.
> 
> sorry this is such a filler chapter but i promise actual stuff will happen very soon

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading this!!  
> kudos and comments are Greatly appreciated and help me write more but arent necessary  
> this Will be updated eventually but im not sure when


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